holiness.

I can't sleep, and the fact that I have to be up to lead worship in two hours is not helping my insomnia. So I thought I'd blog because it has been far too long and a lot has happened. Since I last blogged I have accepted a full-time ministry position and am starting Monday. With that, I've made several new commitments in my life to Christ, but the one keeping me up tonight is the idea of holiness.

It is so easy to pass off the pursuit of holiness by saying it is unattainable. The entire, "be holy, even as I am holy," argument doesn't get much ground in current culture because even devout Christians have become obsessed with seeing how much one can get by with without risking judgement. Life has become, for many, a long-line of well-thought out excuses for lapses in holiness, or sin. I know this because for a great while my life fell prey to this flawed way of thinking.

Oswald Chambers said, "holiness, not happiness is the chief end of man." We are programmed from a young age to believe that these two things cannot live in harmony, that they are mutually exclusive. This question came up in a class I am teaching a couple weeks ago, "can you live both a life of happiness (as defined by you) and fulfillment (as defined by God)?" The answers were extremely varied and honestly leaned more to saying that both were not compatible. One had to chose their fate, choose whether they wanted to live a life that existed to exemplify the Glory of God in all things or to be happy with their place in life, be good Christians, go to church, and live the American Dream.

I have come to believe, after living a few years the mentality that normalcy was the chief end (you know, house, white-picket fence, lots of puppies) that the only way to find my own joy is through the pursuit of God in my life and His glory. I've been reading out of Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper for my young-adults class and have been convicted on many counts by the message he presents:

Somehow there has wakened in me a passion for the essence and main point of life. 

The ethical question, "whether something is permissible," faded in relation 

to the question, "What is the main thing?"

The thought of building a life around minimal morality or minimal significance--

a life defined by the question, "What is permissible?"--

felt almost disgusting to me.

There was a time in my life when I felt so convicted by the Holy Spirit that even the slightest step outside of the pursuit of righteousness would keep me up at night. So often we become numbed to that tugging because of circumstance, because of convenience that we forget how rewarding and truly joy-filled the holy life can be. I have made a decision, for several different reasons, to pursue a life full of joy by way of holiness in my life. 

I am inspired and compelled by Philippians 1:20-21 and it's urge toward holiness that is compelled out of love and honor to Christ, not fear: 

as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, 

but that with full courage now as always, Christ will be honored

in my body,

whether by life or by death.

For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain.

So that's what I'm thinking about right now, how to best honor God in my body, in my life, in my conversation, in my appearance, in my relationships, in my thinking. To say it is an easy task is the understatement of the century, but the entire purpose of our existence on both earth and in eternity is to glorify and magnify God...not to pursue some silly scheme that will leave us wanting more in the end. 

If we really are going to see revival in our generation, if we are ever to see the lost come to Christ, it requires a commitment to life a God-centered, God-glorifying, Self-dying life by the body of Christ. A daily decision to pursue what is righteous, true, and pure. 

purpose.

I've heard it said that some people wander aimlessly through their lives to only find their true purpose on their deathbeds. What is more sad is that most of these people's purpose lived with them, breathed with them, inhabited the same homes, shared the same street their entire lives. So often we are so distracted by things that may never happen, or opinions of people who don't matter, or are obsessed with an image of ourselves we would like to create, we don't look at the bigger picture going on around us. We trade in our true purpose for a second-rate state of ordinary that will at least be competitive with our neighbors and peers. 

I have been thinking a lot about purpose lately. When I was a teenager, I remember being so full of destiny, hope, and courage to believe my life would count for something beyond what I could achieve in my own capacity. I remember having dreams and ambitions that seemed so unbelievable now, but so tangible then. There have been days where I have thought back to the sense of urgency I held to winning the lost, living a life of integrity and uprightness, and using my brief time on earth to matter for eternity. How far removed my young-adult life is from those undiluted, uninhibited goals of changing the world. Why do we so often let life, disappointments, and personal failures compromise our callings? 

A lot has happened since I graduated high-school. That bright-eyed girl was hit with a hard dose of reality, personal sickness, heartbreak, and shame. A lot of life was packed into the past seven years, and with that living came much doubt. Some of my pain was self-inflicted, some of it was not. Through it, however, I rationalized that the plan of God for my life must be different from the one that bright-eyed teenager had. It wasn't big, over the top, part of a larger story that started with God and ends with God. No, it was practical. It was comfortable. It was ordinary. 

For the past five to seven years I've searched for a place...any place in my life to feel safe and content. I've tried different churches, different relationships, different schools, different majors, different jobs, different locations, all ending up in the same place. Dissatisfied. Unhappy. Wanting more. I've tried to convince myself on multiple occasions that my current path is the path I'm supposed to walk down. "This is what a loving relationship looks like." "you'll be happy if you get this degree, or take this job." Yet for the past seven years I could not pinpoint one moment where I have felt absolutely and completely content, at peace with myself, and happy with my place in life. 

I attribute this "lost" feeling to not being in my purpose. Not living out the thing I was placed on earth to accomplish. Not doing what I was naturally gifted at. The thing I would do for free. The thing I would devote myself to if I knew I only had a limited amount of time on earth to live.

See...here's the deal. Sometimes I forget that my life isn't about getting God into my life and my future. Life isn't about God having His way in my relationships or career ambitions. God's story has been going on longer than I've been alive. Longer than the universe has existed. This Great God of the Universe, however, has chosen to give me a role (however small it may be) in this story He is telling. This epic love-song He is singing to creation...and all this time I've been worried about figuring out my life, on my time-table, to fill my own selfish desires and aspirations. The things the world tells me I need. A good job. A husband. A house. A couple kids. A mortgage. 

For the last few years I've been spinning, trying to find a way to fit God into this tiny little story I was creating for myself that, in the end was all about me and ultimately would make me miserable. As most of you know I have spent the last year of my life killing myself with science and math classes to apply to nursing school. I finally felt like I was on a plan to getting away from home and in two years having a wonderful job that paid well. Somewhere I could work, then leave work at the hospital and do what I wanted with life. I was so excited when I was accepted. I made plans. I gave myself pep-talks. I agonized my way through classes that didn't interest me because I finally felt like I had done something right. Then purpose came knocking...

You see, with as great and admirable as being a nurse is. With as wonderful a job and income as it would afford me...I could be the best nurse in the world and still be miserable. I could work as an RN at Columbia, married to the head of Neurosurgery and still cry myself to sleep every night. Not because there is anything wrong with that life, but simply because it is not where I am supposed to be. It's not the place my life is meant to fit in this grand epic that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the Kingdom. And this fact has tugged at my heart since I was a little girl, that I would never be happy unless I was doing the thing I was set out to do before I was born.

Maybe we talk ourselves out of our purpose because as we mature, get older, and inevitably make mistakes, we feel like we are no longer worthy of our calling. Maybe we feel like it was a great dream for a young-person, but now we need to be practical. In my case it was a little bit of both. I made mistakes, I disappointed myself. A lot of things happened to me from the death of my aunt and cousin to my jaw surgery that I couldn't rationalize in my mind. I still didn't understand why I had to go through these things. So I talked myself out of it. I settled for less, thinking it might be enough.

For those of you who know me, you are well aware of the calling of God on my life to speak from a young age. I've felt called to preach since I was five or six years old. I think I viewed this as an easy choice seeing as I grew up in a minister's home, around ministry. Of course I wanted to be a preacher. While life and circumstances have attempted to separate me from this passion, the desire has only grown. 

You can't outrun your purpose. And you can't fight the Almighty for very long.

So to make a long story extremely short. Last week I started nursing school. This week I withdrew from the program I was in to whole-heartedly pursue the call of God on my life to ministry. I realize this will mean sacrificing a lot of things that make me comfortable, consecrating every decision of my life to the Holy Spirit, and not looking back. I realize the change this means. I understand the costs, and I have never been more confident in a single decision in my life. 

Over the past five days I have already had offers for full-time ministry. The presence of God has been so strong upon me I've felt dreams I had forgotten and new dreams come to life. Although I do not know all the details of this life-long commitment to the work of God, I know for the first time in a long-time I am exactly where I need to be at exactly the right time. 

Being content is a funny thing. Everything around me has remained the same, but it looks completely different. I have changed. My priorities are changing. A weight has been lifted, and I am determined to be the best example of what a Christ-follower looks like to the world that I can possibly be. I want to change the world, and I'm remembering now what it feels like to think that might actually be possible.

All the heartbreak of the past years, all the mistakes I have made will only serve to benefit the kingdom. I realize now that going through things doesn't make you less of a Christian. Making mistakes doesn't belittle the anointing upon your life. When you are able to accept circumstances and admit mistake, yet point to the forgiveness, the mercy, and life-changing power of God, you have an ability to relate to the lost. You have way to give hope to others facing impossible circumstances. I am so thankful for a God who doesn't give up on me just because I gave up on myself. 

This is the starting of something new. This is the start of something fresh. I feel in most every way like this is the start of my life. 

I understand that some people might not understand my decision, or support it, and that's alright. I thank everyone who has prayed for me in the past weeks and those who have been praying for me my whole life. Thank you for journeying with me this far...I hope to keep all of you around for this incredible adventure. 

There is a lot going on right now, I will post more information about my plans as they become available. Until then. Many blessings and as always, all my love.

in the zone.

Have you ever had a moment where your life seemed to suddenly make sense? As if all the pain, confusion, crap in life all of a sudden brought forth the most real, authentic image of a feeling you thought was only fictitious ? A feeling so surreal that feeling it for only ten minutes could keep you hoping and believing for a lifetime?

I have had a few moments like that in my life. One in particular tonight. I think many things contributed to it (not in the least a very moving episode of grey's anatomy), but nevertheless I am up at 3 am after taking Lunesta trying my best to keep this feeling from dying. Holding into every moment I can squeeze out of tonight. So often I'm afraid waking will make it as though the feeling was never there, as if I didn't grasp full ahold of life for that moment. 

I don't have much to say, I am in a zone. I am in a zone physically, spiritually, and emotionally I would devote my entire life to. If only every component of our thoughts, intentions, spirits, and bodies were so aligned every day, in every decision...

Eclipse.

I suppose it comes as no surprise to anyone who remotely knows me that I would write a blog on the latest Hollywood installment of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. I realize these movies have developed something of a cult-like following because of teenage infatuation with the forbidden story of vampires and werewolves falling in love with a human, but to me this story has touched a profound, even spiritual chord.

First, I should start by saying I do not read fiction. I had not finished a fiction book since reading Jane Austen at the age of thirteen until I graduated from college. Under the advice of a well-educated friend who  said reading fiction is critical for the analytical mind, otherwise the mind would "explode," I picked up Stephanie's first book after being intrigued by the advertisements for the first movie.

What I found in the pages of this book wasn't necessarily life-altering. I didn't start dreaming of a pale, perfect boy suddenly wisking me away to a world of immortality while telling me he would never change a single thing about me. I didn't wish I had the power to read the minds of those around me. (It didn't work out too well for Mel Gibson after all.) These stories resonated with my soul, because I felt often like I could have written them.

I relate not to Bella, the plain, human girl who is torn between love for two seemingly perfect men. I am drawn to the fierceness of the love that Edward and Jacob share for her. Protective, selfless, unrelenting, unchanging. Like a magnetism between their souls. Both these characters have no greater desire than to see Bella safe. Their ambition has nothing to do with their own personal gain, happiness, or even the thought of winning some prize against the other. In a world seemingly consumed with failed marriage, heartbreak, and one night stands; I can't help but wonder if I am the only one who still believes love conquers all?

It seems to me that society is so fixated on having what they want when they want it, people are often dating simply because the person lives near them, or marrying simply because they feel it is time in their life to settle down. Relationships begin and end at warp speed, married to the idea of personal pleasure and happiness. When some obstacle gets in the way of our mindless, simple relationships, we bail for something we know will not cause us pain. I have often asked myself after witnessing friend's divorce only months-a few years into their marriages if they truly loved the person they bound their life to, or the idea of love, the idea of security, the idea of companionship, or if they were terrified at the thought of being alone.

I have dated my share of guys, rushed in when I should have taken a second look, listened to the people in my life telling me what a good idea it was, but I don't know if I can truly say I have been in a healthy, mutually loving relationship. It is difficult to find someone who views the idea of companionship, mutual partnership, grounded in the idea that love is something so rare, beautiful, and sacred that once you've found it you are a fool to ever let it go. Although I don't think I have experienced this fierceness in a romantic relationship (probably because I've dated the wrong guys), I have tasted love's fire.  I know my capacity to love.

I have seen it played out in my relationships with friends who I would rather let blaitently hurt me than turn my back on them. I see it in the way my language describes that thing we are all seeking. I am always drawn to the surreal, not necessarily practical characters in books and movies. I choose to believe that love is something that finally convinces the individual to say, "Okay, it really isn't all about me."

Like in the movie, I am not searching the world for a man who would bow at my feet, take a bullet for me, or give me everything I want. In many ways that is the opposite of my longing. Like Edward, to simply be able to love someone so much, knowing full well they might hurt you (because they are only human), or leave you (because humans make stupid decisions), knowing that person is safe is the only thing that dominates you mind. Being able to love them is what you get high off of, not necessarily getting that love in return.

I am reminded of the story of Hosea and Gomer in the Old Testament, and the shadow it gives of Israel and Yahweh, and of Christ and the Church. Regardless of how many times the bride turns her back on her beloved, she is never forgotten. She is never cast out. Mercy resonates through love. I hate to think of how many times I have behaved like Gomer in my relationship to the Almighty, and maybe my realization of my personal failure is what has given me the capacity to believe in something larger than what popular culture and 95% of the population is looking for and failing to find.

The love of God is impossible to understand, fathom, or comprehend. In much the same way the human love I hope and dream of is difficult to understand with eyes viewing only the natural. In Eclipse, Bella tells Edward that she truly does love Jacob, a truth she had been running from. She counters this statement by saying, "But I love you more." Edward doesn't flench, grow mad, or demand she never speak to Jacob again. He simply assures her, "I know," and trusts her love is enough to keep her in his arms. Did it hurt Edward? I'm sure. Was Hosea heartbroken by Gomer's unfaithfulness. Is God not jealous the idols we daily place in front of our devotion to Him? No. But the story here mirrors the love God has for us. He knows our flesh is weak, he knows we will love other things, the only request is that we love Him more. Always, forever, and that that love would outflow into our lives so that eventually our lives become aligned with what we love the most.

That love is not often found in human kind. A love with absolute trust and faith. I have heard so many love stories of couples separated by war and distance, who never wavered in their devotion. Writing beautiful, handwritten letters to their beloved after months, even years of absence. Distance seems to be the nail in the coffin of so many potential friendships and loves in our society. If we cannot have what we want now, we don't want it at all...even if the wait is well worth it in the end.

We know the story, Bella choses Edward. Bella asks to be changed, not so she can live forever, but so she too can protect her beloved. Not to extend her life, but His.

It makes me think there is something worth holding out for.

But for the record. I am team Alice/Jasper.

solo.

When you are a performer, like me, you are always aiming for a solo. You are always dreaming of going out on your own, center stage, spotlight on, every mind in the audience focused, for a few moments on your gift. Spotlights are not easily shared among artists of any kind, and I would be lying to say I do not long for that feeling, the adrenaline of knowing you can't mess up, the affirmation of applause. In our own way, I think we all search for our own spotlight, regardless of where the curtain may be.

I started thinking about this tonight as I was unable to get to sleep. The idea of doing something alone. The idea of getting all the credit. Sure, it might be a great feeling for five minutes, but it is no way to live your life. Even Miss "Center of Attention," Bre understands this all too well.

I have been in a very low place in my life lately. Not that anything is necessarily going wrong, but just high-stress, physically exhausted, and frustrated with my current place in life. Not that I'm complaining about any of these things. Not necessarily that I am unhappy, but overly extended and stressed beyond what I feel my body is able to handle. Too many things to be done in days that seem to pass like light years. Nevertheless the greatest enemy I have to combat daily isn't College Algebra or Psychological Statistics, it isn't the annoying doctor's visits to fulfill all my requirements for nursing school. Rather it is loneliness.

Mother Theresa once said that, "loneliness is the greatest poverty." That is saying something who devoted her entire life to living among the poorest people on planet earth. Even she recognized that that which bankrupts your spirit is far more painful than that that bankrupts your wealth. Humans were made for relationship, it's built into our DNA...it goes all the way back to Eden. God did not make us to live alone, in a box, or continually center-stage without other players in the production of life. This feeling pervades more now than I can remember at any other stage in my life. Maybe it is because so many friends are getting married and starting their own lives, or perhaps because I am back in a vulnerable place living at home, maybe it's just a lack of sleep or lack of carbohydrates in my diet. Regardless of what it is, it is hard to get away from the burning longing for companionship, to have someone to share life with, to talk to, to laugh with.

Henry Rollins said, "Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better." I don't know if I necessarily agree with him because right now the night air isn't smelling any too sweet, but I do believe that the feeling of loneliness reminds us of our mortality, of our need for people and makes us pause before we neglect the people and relationships we have been blessed with in life. What is so remarkable about my feelings of loneliness is the volume of people in my life who care about me. I can be in a room full of 300 people who genuinely care about and love me, but still feel absolutely, intrinsically alone. As if the type of companion I am looking for cannot be found in an ordinary group of people. Am I looking for someone who shares the same soul-feelings I do? Or is it something spiritual? Is it mystic in its origins? I think it might be a combination of all three.

I have a bicycle. Anyone who lives nearby probably has heard me singing the songs of "Glee" riding down the road on my white and teal Schwinn with a white basket on a summer evening. Very few days go by in the summer that I do not spend time riding my bicycle. I guess you could say it is one of the few places I can escape these haunting feelings of loneliness. Where I live is at the base of a hill. In order for me to bike anywhere, I have to start by riding up a fairly steep hill for several blocks. Once I get past the hill, there are several more housing editions built on the extension of this hill that make up my bike route. There have been so many times I have taken out on my bike-ride and wanted to turn around and go home. Days when I am tired, or am focusing on the cares of life rather than enjoying the nature around me, the music in my ears, and the lack of real-life on my bicycle. Riding uphill is not fun, it hurts my knees, it strains my thighs, it makes my lungs burn for air...it's hard, and if all biking were uphill I probably would just put the Schwinn in storage I hate to say.

Sometimes I feel like my entire life is uphill. Friends disappoint you, relationships don't work out, the stresses of work and school seem to overwhelm you, you spend more time with your parents now than you did when you were ten it seems. (not saying that's a bad thing, love you mom and dad!) But you feel alone. Like there is no one else in the world that understands what it is like to be singing a solo aria for 25 years on end, to be riding a bike up a steep hill with no relief in site. Let me tell you about the rest of my bike ride...

After I finish my lap through the city park and the two housing editions on the hill a few times, I start to get excited. For a mile and a half, from my mom's parents house to my dad's parents house, I don't ride my bike. I glide, barely ever peddling down the hills I have just climbed. The light breeze on a hot summer day whipps my hair out of my face, and to compare that feeling, I might as well be flying. There is little I could compare this feeling to. I ride probably thirty minutes for the euphoria of the five where I get to ride downhill, but that's enough. I get through with my ride ready to workout again, not because I've burned calories, but because of how it makes me feel. To accomplish something, to trade something hard for something exhilarating.

Here's the thing. Just like riding my bike. Life isn't going to be downhill the whole way. Sure, we might wish it was, but that just isn't how life works. Right now I have to admit, I feel like I've been going solo, riding uphill for a long time, with little relief in sight. I get tired, worn out, sometimes wonder why I even try working as hard as I do without stopping. I miss my friends who are married, I wish I were in love...but once I get off my soap box long enough to think I could realize what Paul Tillich once said so beautifully, "Language...has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone."

How long has it been since I truly rejoiced in my current place in life? That I am without attachment and could devote myself fully to being the best at what I do and who I am to be? To truly make a difference for the Kingdom of God as a single 20-something year old girl? To not worry about taking care of those to whom I am attached, but to dedicate my life to celebrating the downhill ride that will come if I wait out this time of testing, of loneliness?

So here I am, 1:10 am, I need to be asleep. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow, a lot of peddling uphill. So I will leave it at that. There isn't necessarily a happy resolution to my words tonight because I need to practice what I preach. I need to rejoice in solitude...but it is so hard. I will, however tell you one thing:

Hindsight is always 20/20. And I wouldn't enjoy riding downhill nearly as much if my muscles weren't aching from the strain they went through to get me to the top of that hill. Those trough periods make us who we are. To skip over them would be grave...as hard as it is for me to say this.

Thats all.

Promise

I promise to blog as soon as this terrible school week is over. I have so much to share.

God is great.

tony.

If you have known me for any period of time, you are aware of the object of my dearest affection. The thing I would walk over hot coals to hold. The thing which has motivated me to often press beyond adversity to pursue...often at the expense of other's opinions of me. Tony. That beautiful, wonderful thing that would make my life complete...if only.

In case you are completely out of the loop of my social networking, no, I'm not talking about a boy named Anthony, but rather the most coveted prize in all of musical theatre. The Tony Award. The Tony's are my world cup, my super bowl, my Miss America. Once a year my small-town girl TV glitters with all that is Broadway, from Kristin Chenoweth giving a passionate kiss to Sean Hayes, to Matthew Morrison's triple-threat performance. What can I say, I love the Tony's. I justify staying home from church the Sunday night they come on, vegg out in front of my television, and am transported to a different world for three hours. A world where I can break into song in a classroom without reprimand, or fall in love with Matthew Morrison eight times a week. ;) Theatre, music...these simply components make up so much of my life, take so much of my time, bring so much happiness.

So tonight I want to write to you, my dear friends about something very dear to my heart, the idea of creativity. Many times I feel we divorce our creative natures for means of being practical. What's more, we do not seek ways to incorporate that which is birthing inside us into our lives, our character, and ultimately our Christian walk.

When I was a little girl, my greatest dream was to be on stage (still is to a great extent), I craved to come to live when the spotlight hit my cue. I never felt more alive than when I was on a stage, performing. As most of you know medical reasons and fate kept me from ever pursuing my dream of being a Broadway Diva, but circumstance does not determine the death of my gift, my art, my creative passion.

Perhaps the reason I love watching the Tony's so much is to see, if even for only a few hours, a group of people devoted to what they love. Dedicated to a craft, singular in focus. How many times do we give up the thing our heart beats for for mediocrity? In my opinion the thing which makes your heart beat fast, and keeps you awake at night because it is tugging at your heart is the first step any Christian also must take in finding the calling of God on their lives.

I know so many artists who struggle to find their place in the world, a way to express themselves, because they cannot support themselves by their art. So often we turn our back upon the thing we love the most because we know it will not make us a fruitful living. We have heard enough people say we "aren't good enough," that we start to believe them and, instead, settle for a life of mediocrity without ever fully being engaged in whatever work we are doing.

I have often written of how God has a specific calling, an ultimately creative dream of every one of His children. It is our choice whether we accept it or not. I know the dream God had for my life started somewhere and is ending up somewhere I never would have expected. A place far greater than the Tony awards (although if I ever do have children I am 150% certain they will be thanking me in an acceptance speech at the Tonys), a place where only I can go, a place of supreme creativity, flowing with the power of God, my calling.

I am reminded of Ezekiel in the last chapter of his prophecy, looking beyond all the struggles, trials, heartaches, and bitter tears which must be endured by God's elect. He looked beyond satan's fury to the church's final triumph and conquest. In this chapter Ezekiel describes the fullness of the New Jerusalem, saying:

The circumference of the city shall be 18,000 cubits. 

And the name of that city shall be from that time on,

THE LORD IS THERE.

The literal translation of "Jehovah Shammah" is just that, THE LORD IS THERE. Even when Ezekiel knew he would never see the New Jerusalem in his lifetime, the Lord was there. The Lord was there as Ezekiel creatively wrote the circumference of the city to be a perfect, exact, and exceedingly large. Larger than the troubles of Israel or the size of her enemies. He spoke peace to the children of Israel and he speaks peace to us tonight that, even if your dream seems crazy, it is there for a reason. No, it might not come in your lifetime, you may never see the fruit, but you can contribute a very important narrative to this story that began with Adam and will end in the New Jerusalem. What is important is to know this, THE LORD IS THERE. Wherever your destination is, he is already there. Wherever you are tonight, He is there.  

Creativity is not something we lose when we chose the life of a disciple, but rather something to be embraced. Who knew the emotion of the human existence greater than Christ Himself who felt everything a human feels, yet without sin? We are ultimately creative because we were created by the Ultimate Creator. I urge you to release the creativity God has given you, and use it for His glory. Find the place that makes you most alive, and begin to view that place as an altar of worship to the Divine Creator

What is that place? Where do you feel the most alive? Where do you wake up with ideas to accompany your pursuit of your dream? A very wise professor once told me, "Your calling is where your greatest desires and the world's greatest needs intersect." For some it might be to preach, or teach, or be a plumber. But for many it comes with musical scores, films, photographs, writing, painting, art, and the performing arts. The thing most important is that you view it as what it is, a calling. Something Heaven has blessed you to excel in, to express with, and something that gives you a voice and megaphone to proclaim the glory of the Creator. Oliver Wendall Holmes once said, "Every calling is great when it is greatly pursued."

I write this blog as a performing artist who understands that my ability to even sing, to practice my art is a miracle of God. There are always obstacles on the way to fulfilling your calling, but every calling is worth the risk, be it the risk of failure, or the risk of other's opinions. You are never more yourself, never more alive than when you are functioning in the fullness of a God-centered calling. Doing what you love as an act of worship.

I was particularly moved by Viola Davis's acceptance speech for best actress in a play tonight and I will leave you with this:

I do not believe in luck or happenstance. 

I absolutely believe in the presence of God in my life

I was born into a circumstance where I couldn't see it with my eyes,

I couldn't touch it with my hands, so I had to believe it in my heart.

Hidden deep within your heart is something you can't see, can't touch, but yet is so real it was written on your heart the day you were born. It is your place. It is your calling. And it will never reach it's full potential without the presence of God. 

God made you who you are for a reason, with all your quirks and insecurities, He still views you as the apple of His eye. If God can use this eclectic, loud-mouthed, show-tune singing preacher's daughter from Western Oklahoma to speak to nations, I have no doubt he has even greater things in store for you. And no, it may not always look like what you thought it would (a Tony award), but in the end I know you will rest saying, "God's ways truly were higher than my own.

Let us live our lives with creativity, purpose, ever thanking God to be artists, ultimately creative because we were created by the Ultimate Creator. Let us greatly pursue our callings to make our callings great, and who knows, maybe someone reading my blog one day will win a Tony award???

p.s. if it is you, I get to be your plus one.