solo.

When you are a performer, like me, you are always aiming for a solo. You are always dreaming of going out on your own, center stage, spotlight on, every mind in the audience focused, for a few moments on your gift. Spotlights are not easily shared among artists of any kind, and I would be lying to say I do not long for that feeling, the adrenaline of knowing you can't mess up, the affirmation of applause. In our own way, I think we all search for our own spotlight, regardless of where the curtain may be.

I started thinking about this tonight as I was unable to get to sleep. The idea of doing something alone. The idea of getting all the credit. Sure, it might be a great feeling for five minutes, but it is no way to live your life. Even Miss "Center of Attention," Bre understands this all too well.

I have been in a very low place in my life lately. Not that anything is necessarily going wrong, but just high-stress, physically exhausted, and frustrated with my current place in life. Not that I'm complaining about any of these things. Not necessarily that I am unhappy, but overly extended and stressed beyond what I feel my body is able to handle. Too many things to be done in days that seem to pass like light years. Nevertheless the greatest enemy I have to combat daily isn't College Algebra or Psychological Statistics, it isn't the annoying doctor's visits to fulfill all my requirements for nursing school. Rather it is loneliness.

Mother Theresa once said that, "loneliness is the greatest poverty." That is saying something who devoted her entire life to living among the poorest people on planet earth. Even she recognized that that which bankrupts your spirit is far more painful than that that bankrupts your wealth. Humans were made for relationship, it's built into our DNA...it goes all the way back to Eden. God did not make us to live alone, in a box, or continually center-stage without other players in the production of life. This feeling pervades more now than I can remember at any other stage in my life. Maybe it is because so many friends are getting married and starting their own lives, or perhaps because I am back in a vulnerable place living at home, maybe it's just a lack of sleep or lack of carbohydrates in my diet. Regardless of what it is, it is hard to get away from the burning longing for companionship, to have someone to share life with, to talk to, to laugh with.

Henry Rollins said, "Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better." I don't know if I necessarily agree with him because right now the night air isn't smelling any too sweet, but I do believe that the feeling of loneliness reminds us of our mortality, of our need for people and makes us pause before we neglect the people and relationships we have been blessed with in life. What is so remarkable about my feelings of loneliness is the volume of people in my life who care about me. I can be in a room full of 300 people who genuinely care about and love me, but still feel absolutely, intrinsically alone. As if the type of companion I am looking for cannot be found in an ordinary group of people. Am I looking for someone who shares the same soul-feelings I do? Or is it something spiritual? Is it mystic in its origins? I think it might be a combination of all three.

I have a bicycle. Anyone who lives nearby probably has heard me singing the songs of "Glee" riding down the road on my white and teal Schwinn with a white basket on a summer evening. Very few days go by in the summer that I do not spend time riding my bicycle. I guess you could say it is one of the few places I can escape these haunting feelings of loneliness. Where I live is at the base of a hill. In order for me to bike anywhere, I have to start by riding up a fairly steep hill for several blocks. Once I get past the hill, there are several more housing editions built on the extension of this hill that make up my bike route. There have been so many times I have taken out on my bike-ride and wanted to turn around and go home. Days when I am tired, or am focusing on the cares of life rather than enjoying the nature around me, the music in my ears, and the lack of real-life on my bicycle. Riding uphill is not fun, it hurts my knees, it strains my thighs, it makes my lungs burn for air...it's hard, and if all biking were uphill I probably would just put the Schwinn in storage I hate to say.

Sometimes I feel like my entire life is uphill. Friends disappoint you, relationships don't work out, the stresses of work and school seem to overwhelm you, you spend more time with your parents now than you did when you were ten it seems. (not saying that's a bad thing, love you mom and dad!) But you feel alone. Like there is no one else in the world that understands what it is like to be singing a solo aria for 25 years on end, to be riding a bike up a steep hill with no relief in site. Let me tell you about the rest of my bike ride...

After I finish my lap through the city park and the two housing editions on the hill a few times, I start to get excited. For a mile and a half, from my mom's parents house to my dad's parents house, I don't ride my bike. I glide, barely ever peddling down the hills I have just climbed. The light breeze on a hot summer day whipps my hair out of my face, and to compare that feeling, I might as well be flying. There is little I could compare this feeling to. I ride probably thirty minutes for the euphoria of the five where I get to ride downhill, but that's enough. I get through with my ride ready to workout again, not because I've burned calories, but because of how it makes me feel. To accomplish something, to trade something hard for something exhilarating.

Here's the thing. Just like riding my bike. Life isn't going to be downhill the whole way. Sure, we might wish it was, but that just isn't how life works. Right now I have to admit, I feel like I've been going solo, riding uphill for a long time, with little relief in sight. I get tired, worn out, sometimes wonder why I even try working as hard as I do without stopping. I miss my friends who are married, I wish I were in love...but once I get off my soap box long enough to think I could realize what Paul Tillich once said so beautifully, "Language...has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone."

How long has it been since I truly rejoiced in my current place in life? That I am without attachment and could devote myself fully to being the best at what I do and who I am to be? To truly make a difference for the Kingdom of God as a single 20-something year old girl? To not worry about taking care of those to whom I am attached, but to dedicate my life to celebrating the downhill ride that will come if I wait out this time of testing, of loneliness?

So here I am, 1:10 am, I need to be asleep. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow, a lot of peddling uphill. So I will leave it at that. There isn't necessarily a happy resolution to my words tonight because I need to practice what I preach. I need to rejoice in solitude...but it is so hard. I will, however tell you one thing:

Hindsight is always 20/20. And I wouldn't enjoy riding downhill nearly as much if my muscles weren't aching from the strain they went through to get me to the top of that hill. Those trough periods make us who we are. To skip over them would be grave...as hard as it is for me to say this.

Thats all.

Promise

I promise to blog as soon as this terrible school week is over. I have so much to share.

God is great.

tony.

If you have known me for any period of time, you are aware of the object of my dearest affection. The thing I would walk over hot coals to hold. The thing which has motivated me to often press beyond adversity to pursue...often at the expense of other's opinions of me. Tony. That beautiful, wonderful thing that would make my life complete...if only.

In case you are completely out of the loop of my social networking, no, I'm not talking about a boy named Anthony, but rather the most coveted prize in all of musical theatre. The Tony Award. The Tony's are my world cup, my super bowl, my Miss America. Once a year my small-town girl TV glitters with all that is Broadway, from Kristin Chenoweth giving a passionate kiss to Sean Hayes, to Matthew Morrison's triple-threat performance. What can I say, I love the Tony's. I justify staying home from church the Sunday night they come on, vegg out in front of my television, and am transported to a different world for three hours. A world where I can break into song in a classroom without reprimand, or fall in love with Matthew Morrison eight times a week. ;) Theatre, music...these simply components make up so much of my life, take so much of my time, bring so much happiness.

So tonight I want to write to you, my dear friends about something very dear to my heart, the idea of creativity. Many times I feel we divorce our creative natures for means of being practical. What's more, we do not seek ways to incorporate that which is birthing inside us into our lives, our character, and ultimately our Christian walk.

When I was a little girl, my greatest dream was to be on stage (still is to a great extent), I craved to come to live when the spotlight hit my cue. I never felt more alive than when I was on a stage, performing. As most of you know medical reasons and fate kept me from ever pursuing my dream of being a Broadway Diva, but circumstance does not determine the death of my gift, my art, my creative passion.

Perhaps the reason I love watching the Tony's so much is to see, if even for only a few hours, a group of people devoted to what they love. Dedicated to a craft, singular in focus. How many times do we give up the thing our heart beats for for mediocrity? In my opinion the thing which makes your heart beat fast, and keeps you awake at night because it is tugging at your heart is the first step any Christian also must take in finding the calling of God on their lives.

I know so many artists who struggle to find their place in the world, a way to express themselves, because they cannot support themselves by their art. So often we turn our back upon the thing we love the most because we know it will not make us a fruitful living. We have heard enough people say we "aren't good enough," that we start to believe them and, instead, settle for a life of mediocrity without ever fully being engaged in whatever work we are doing.

I have often written of how God has a specific calling, an ultimately creative dream of every one of His children. It is our choice whether we accept it or not. I know the dream God had for my life started somewhere and is ending up somewhere I never would have expected. A place far greater than the Tony awards (although if I ever do have children I am 150% certain they will be thanking me in an acceptance speech at the Tonys), a place where only I can go, a place of supreme creativity, flowing with the power of God, my calling.

I am reminded of Ezekiel in the last chapter of his prophecy, looking beyond all the struggles, trials, heartaches, and bitter tears which must be endured by God's elect. He looked beyond satan's fury to the church's final triumph and conquest. In this chapter Ezekiel describes the fullness of the New Jerusalem, saying:

The circumference of the city shall be 18,000 cubits. 

And the name of that city shall be from that time on,

THE LORD IS THERE.

The literal translation of "Jehovah Shammah" is just that, THE LORD IS THERE. Even when Ezekiel knew he would never see the New Jerusalem in his lifetime, the Lord was there. The Lord was there as Ezekiel creatively wrote the circumference of the city to be a perfect, exact, and exceedingly large. Larger than the troubles of Israel or the size of her enemies. He spoke peace to the children of Israel and he speaks peace to us tonight that, even if your dream seems crazy, it is there for a reason. No, it might not come in your lifetime, you may never see the fruit, but you can contribute a very important narrative to this story that began with Adam and will end in the New Jerusalem. What is important is to know this, THE LORD IS THERE. Wherever your destination is, he is already there. Wherever you are tonight, He is there.  

Creativity is not something we lose when we chose the life of a disciple, but rather something to be embraced. Who knew the emotion of the human existence greater than Christ Himself who felt everything a human feels, yet without sin? We are ultimately creative because we were created by the Ultimate Creator. I urge you to release the creativity God has given you, and use it for His glory. Find the place that makes you most alive, and begin to view that place as an altar of worship to the Divine Creator

What is that place? Where do you feel the most alive? Where do you wake up with ideas to accompany your pursuit of your dream? A very wise professor once told me, "Your calling is where your greatest desires and the world's greatest needs intersect." For some it might be to preach, or teach, or be a plumber. But for many it comes with musical scores, films, photographs, writing, painting, art, and the performing arts. The thing most important is that you view it as what it is, a calling. Something Heaven has blessed you to excel in, to express with, and something that gives you a voice and megaphone to proclaim the glory of the Creator. Oliver Wendall Holmes once said, "Every calling is great when it is greatly pursued."

I write this blog as a performing artist who understands that my ability to even sing, to practice my art is a miracle of God. There are always obstacles on the way to fulfilling your calling, but every calling is worth the risk, be it the risk of failure, or the risk of other's opinions. You are never more yourself, never more alive than when you are functioning in the fullness of a God-centered calling. Doing what you love as an act of worship.

I was particularly moved by Viola Davis's acceptance speech for best actress in a play tonight and I will leave you with this:

I do not believe in luck or happenstance. 

I absolutely believe in the presence of God in my life

I was born into a circumstance where I couldn't see it with my eyes,

I couldn't touch it with my hands, so I had to believe it in my heart.

Hidden deep within your heart is something you can't see, can't touch, but yet is so real it was written on your heart the day you were born. It is your place. It is your calling. And it will never reach it's full potential without the presence of God. 

God made you who you are for a reason, with all your quirks and insecurities, He still views you as the apple of His eye. If God can use this eclectic, loud-mouthed, show-tune singing preacher's daughter from Western Oklahoma to speak to nations, I have no doubt he has even greater things in store for you. And no, it may not always look like what you thought it would (a Tony award), but in the end I know you will rest saying, "God's ways truly were higher than my own.

Let us live our lives with creativity, purpose, ever thanking God to be artists, ultimately creative because we were created by the Ultimate Creator. Let us greatly pursue our callings to make our callings great, and who knows, maybe someone reading my blog one day will win a Tony award???

p.s. if it is you, I get to be your plus one.

Lola.

So for those of you looking to find an uplifting sermonette from Ms. Little, this probably isn't the blog for you.  I was sitting here, attempting to find inspiration when I hear a scratching at my door. I open the door to let my father's one and a half-pound dog in my room. Lola is her name and she is extremely upset at current moment. My father is doing missions work in Brazil and she is lacking for constant attention. You would never imagine that something so small could make as much noise as this dog is making right now, barking at me. When I try to pick her up, she runs away like she wants to play a game of chase. I do not know how I am going to get anything done tonight with the assistance of Lola. Isn't it always the smallest things in life that eat us up, take all our attention, and make us want to pull our hair out?

Life has been absolutely insane over the past few weeks. Come to think of it, the past few years have been nothing but a continual stream of sugar-free red-bull and movement from one place in life to another. Regardless of how accustomed I become to the stresses of life, it always seems the next place holds more stress, more responsibility, and less sleep.

This summer I am preparing for nursing school and taking two classes. Normally this would be something of a break from the 19 hours and two jobs of last semester, but one thing is different...College Algebra. Satan in materialized form. The brimstone of hell brought straight to my meager existence Monday-Thursday at 9:25. There is something important to know about Algebra and Bre, we go way back. I remember taking a bullet-pointed list to the Registar of SNU with about twelve reasons why it would be more beneficial for me to take an upper-division science class than this horrendous rite-of-passage required of college freshmen. I remember thinking I had tricked the system, that I was the smoothest talker that school had ever seen. All this was great until I decided to get a degree that could actually get me a job... and the Registar this time refused to budge.

So, stubborn Bre is stuck in the first class I legitimately can say I cannot understand after eight years of higher education. Sometimes there really is not an easy way out. I have spent three hours a night doing algebra homework this week and it appears this is the rhythm my summer will take. Thank the Lord for the computer program I just downloaded which seems to help with my homework...now if only i could bring my laptop to the exams. ;)

Other than school my summer isn't any too exciting. I am planning to make an appearance at ILA, but that might be changed due to the nature of the school week. I just have to make it through this summer and I will be on to nursing school, helping others, and being one step closer to what I feel my purpose in life being accomplished...

Oh, Lola is still barking.

hope.

I am the queen of big dreams. Large, unrealistic, impossible things that I want to see happen. Albeit, the vast majority of these dreams are short lived. I once wanted to be a concert pianist until I delved into a Rachmaninoff piece. I was certain for years that I would marry Prince William, simply to have my dreams violently crushed by Kate Middleton. Needless to say, many of the ideas I have pop into my head are short lived, and with good reason. They have little bearing to reality. They are fun for a moment, but they are not soul feelings, not spirit desires.

I think again to the things I desire most. Many of them are as unrealistic, as outlandish to the outside world as my nuptials to Prince William. Why is it, then, that I continue to hold onto the belief that they will one day happen? From my desire to see teenage girls free from the bonds of eating disorders and destructive self-image mindsets, to my quest to find love against all odds, why are there some, seemingly impossible desires that I cannot drive away? Some things I have others try to talk me out of on a daily basis. Sometimes I think they are right. I mean I do have a minor in philosophy and most logicians would agree that I am far from thinking in the realms of reality on these issues. Still...there is a nagging ache within my heart that tells me to believe despite all my better judgement, beyond all the voices screaming from the outside... because there is a place where logic and intellect fail, and hope takes over. Hope takes over because some things are so beautiful, so big, so transcendental that they offer a place for a modern-day miracle, something that defies the laws of location, place, time...and our better judgement.

William Sloan Coffin once said, "Hope arouses, as nothing else can arouse, a passion for the possible." A burning desire to believe in something greater than your capacity, greater often than what we believe our calling is. Something so great, so mighty. A feeling so rare and inexplicable that we have no choice but to call it divine. As if Heaven has made an allowance to let us feel part of it's splendor. Simply to think about the possibility of this hope brings life to us. Nourishes us. Pushes us through seemingly impossible odds, walls, circumstances, and critics, just to get a chance to try.

Do  you know this feeling? I believe at some point we all do. The weight of a God-given calling. The intensity of a love that seems so impossible, yet so immediate. The inner knowing that you must give of yourself, even at the risk of being hurt. Although we are daily called to new, to greater things...there are those moments, those desires that define who we are and who we will become. Sadly, most give up on hope because hope doesn't pay up on their timeframe. Maybe the person they had banked on being happy with leaves. Perhaps their dream encounters setback after setback. Maybe we just get tired. Sometimes it is easier to hope for something we can actually see, or something that makes more sense. 

The prophet Isaiah speaks these words, 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (55:8-9)

Everything truly great that has ever been done for the Kingdom of God, for the cause of love, for the betterment of humanity, or for the satisfaction of a soul has met great adversity. No one has a golden ticket to their destiny. Vincent McNabb put it this way, "Hope is some extraordinary spiritual grace that God gives us to control our fears, not to oust them." 

Whether that deep desire within you is to see a dream come to life, to see revival break out in your city, to see a family member accept grace, or to see love conquer all, I assure you it will never come without a great price. I remember very well one great roadblock I reached on the road to one of urgent cries of my heart. There is nothing more discouraging when you feel you have been called to "speak to nations," than having your voice taken away with no real hope of it coming back. I remember sitting alone in my dorm room as a 19 year old on a Sunday. I remember not being able to bring myself to drive to church. Worship, my refuge, had become something agonizing for me to experience. I went from being a worship leader to someone who could not even sing through a worship service without extreme pain. How could the thing I hoped for, the thing that I woke up thinking about and went to sleep dreaming about be to use my voice? I couldn't even sing in a congregation, much less speak to nations. I was at a dead end. I felt like hope had evaporated from my life. God had gotten it wrong to trust me with a dream that could never come to fruition...

But slowly I came to realize...

God, love, faith, and hope do not work on our time table.

For love to be pure, it must go through fire. For a dream to be appreciated, it must be tried. 

So often I find myself going back to Matthew 7:7, " Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be open to you." The problem is that, "and it will," generally takes longer than we would like. I had to reach a place where my character could sustain my calling. Where integrity could be married with my gift. My voice was created through hours of pleading with God to give me hope when it seemed the furthest thing from my psyche. You know the feeling. Desperate. Alone, even in a room crowded with people. 

I have begun to see today the fruits of something that begun as a dream in the heart of a bright eyed girl who got her world shaken. The opportunities I have been given to use my voice overseas have almost exclusively come out of the story of those two years where I battled with God over forsaking me. Although this is only the beginning of one dream planted in my heart, I remember it daily as hope that some feelings are too great to be ignored or discarded because things get difficult.

There are so many things that we do not understand. So many things that we cannot comprehend. I do not want to arrive at my 30th birthday, however, and know that I was responsible for dictating a decision that cost me the beauty of destiny. I do not want to be responsible for losing hope because it was easier to not risk loss. In some ways I think I would rather lose than never try. To lose is to feel a deep, pervading emotion, to realize the limits of our humanity, and to be forced to trust something far greater than circumstances, people, and time. 

Victor Hugo said, "Hope is the word which God has written on the brow of every man." Hope is our gift, not some mean attempt and keeping us miserable by a Heavenly Puppetmaster. To hold something in front of us that we can never have. Hope is the thing which keeps us going when everything else in life tells us to throw in the towel, it is the thing that makes millionaires billionaires after they lose their fortunes, often more than once. It is the thing that inspires legends and births great movements of history. 

Romans chapter five tells the full story: 

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, 

knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character,

and character produces hope, 

and hope does not disappoint us.

We want to see the hope first, before we are tried, before we have to stretch ourselves through endurance and give up personal comforts and things otherwise "permissible" to produce character. Hope is the product of discipleship, the product of relationship, and the driving force to every important thing in my life today. 

I am not telling you you must hope. I know it is often easier to take another road. But I do challenge you to arouse the passion for the possible. To quit counting the millions of reasons something cannot happen and remember the one reason which trumps every reason man doubts. The blood of Jesus Christ covers every stain of sin. The power of God which raised men from the dead and brought the life of the Savior through a simple virgin girl is awakened in the souls of those who hope above all odds. Love does conquer all and, as the Virgin Mary proclaimed, "For nothing shall be impossible with God."

I choose hope not because it is easy, but because without it my life would be void of purpose. Believe beyond and beside yourself. 

Here's hoping.

Choice.

We make choices each and every day. Will I wake up early and exercise? Will I be distracted or focused? Even a trip to Starbucks offers us the opportunity to make multiple choices at one time: tall, grande? caff, decaf? mocha or latte? whole or skim? Ordering a drink is a mental workout before eight a.m. Many of our choices have no bearing on the future of our lives, but sometimes we must make the big, the hard decisions.

The choice we are faced with could be the difference in a life of heartache or a life of happiness. From the choices we make in the people we date, to the vocation we pursue, to the place we worship, to the individuals we surround ourselves with. What's more, everyday we make small decisions that will have bearing on the larger, the hard decisions in life. Who you surround yourself with often influences the people you date, and the person you make a marriage commitment comes out of that pool of people. I know so many girls that dated guys "for fun," never expecting to get involved, committed (and god forbid, pregnant), to men who did not stretch them to their full potential. Whoever said, "You can't help who you fall in love with," really needs to be slapped on the face. I say this only because I am the world's worst at following my emotions over my better judgement. I love the feeling of being in love, I love the magic of infatuation. This, coupled by the thought that someone else could hold the same infatuation for you? How could anything be more "right?" Yes, love is a beautiful thing in its time, with the right person, but still...someone slap me across the face. You are the only person that can control the decisions you make. Yes, emotions, feelings, hormones...those things do influence your "feelings," but it is your mind that decides whether the benefits outweigh the risks. We choose love. And often against all our greater judgement. 

I think about this with bright friends and their motivation in school or work. So many times we neglect things which seem "insignificant" to where we eventually want to end-up because we do not see how our current job could determine how successful we will be at our dream. I have a friend. One of the brightest young men I have ever met. He was on a full-ride scholarship to the college I attended and at the head of his class. He was accepted early into medical school and looked forward to spending his last semester of college in a foreign country...no cost to him, his brainy scholarship was going to cover it. I had a class with him the semester before. A boring, blow-off, general education class that everyone had to take. He rarely came to class, and when he did...he'd doodle or pass me silly notes. I still don't know how he passed the tests. I came back after Christmas and was shocked to see my friend in the student union. Shouldn't he be off seeing the world, careless to the stresses of life? All his classmates were nervous they would not get an interview to medical school and here he was, already accepted? Come to find out, my friend had worked hard, taken all his required classes in his first three years of school, saved an entire year to breeze through. Sadly, he did not see how the last fifteen hours of gen eds were going to matter, so he blew them off. He dropped his GPA, he lost his scholarship. He was now forced to stay and retake classes that were far beneath his intellect, lose his romantic trip...all because he didn't see how these "tiny" choices would matter once he was a doctor. 

The decisions, the choices made today could change our lives.

I just logged onto my school site to see that the nursing department has already enrolled me in the Desire to Learn classes I will be taking in the fall. It's not even June and already they are preparing me for the next two years which will greatly change the way the rest of my life plays out. I logged onto the site because summer school starts Wednesday. I'm not excited. I'm taking Algebra. I negotiated my way out of Algebra in my first degree...literally. It's the type of class I'd like to blow off...but once again, I am given a choice.

I've made quite a few bad choices in my life. Things I wish I could take back or relive. I've heard many people say they do not have any regrets about their lives, but it's always hard for me to swallow. Yes, I would like to live a life of no regrets, but to look back and see how such small decisions have affected my life...I'd love to go back with the wisdom I have today and relive those moments. 

Starting this next chapter in my life, going to nursing school is a choice. It's a choice that honestly has come because I've made bad choices in the past. In my wildest dreams I never would have seen myself going to nursing school, but here I am. So many things have made me question this choice...but I know it is the right choice for me, right now. It's not the easiest. It's not where my heart or emotions are telling me to go. But I know it is the right place for me, right now. 

See, there comes a time when those of us who have faith place our choices in the hands of God. Looking back, the times I wish I could take a decision back were always times where I was reacting out of what "Bre" wanted. I ignored the voice of God, of counselors, of my conscience because my emotions or comfort were speaking so loudly...or I didn't like what God was saying. Today I cannot tell you I'm thrilled about what He's saying. It will cost me. It will change me. It opens doors of uncertainty. It places the life I want to live on hold...

But I cannot be the person and live the life I want to be and have unless I go through the process. There's not a fast-forward button on the plan for our lives as much as we wish there was. Other people often bow out at this point because it makes them uncomfortable. Their relationships will fall apart, they will lose friends or significant others. It is at this point when true champions are born...red pill, blue pill? Truth or oblivion? The possibility of a better life, or the comfort of life as we know it? 

Isaiah 30:21 reads, "And Thine ears shall hear a word behind thee saying, 'This is the way, walk ye in it, when you turn to the right hand or to the left."

God is always speaking to us. We always know the right answer. Many times it is the hard answer. But nonetheless, it is always there. God is always speaking. The question is whether the noise of the outside world is greater than the voice of God. Consider Mary. The Angel of the Lord appears to her on an ordinary day, in an ordinary time and tells her the most miraculous, outlandish news anyone could ever hear, "She (a virgin) will bear the promise of the Messiah." I think most of us, myself included, would not recognize the angel of the Lord, or Christ Himself if he walked into a room...we are too busy with what "we are doing." Hearing the voice of God, living in the perfect will for your life is a choice that must be made daily. And often times, hourly.

The trouble here lies in finding what is best, rather than what is simply acceptable. Yes, there are multiple roads I could choose for my life right now that would all be fine. I could still have a good life, make good money, and serve God's calling for my life through them...but they might not be best. God's plan for our lives is so much bigger than we give Him credit for. He wants to see us at our very best...which is something we ourselves cannot fathom. Peter F. Drucker says, "Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable." 

I cannot tell you the times I have placed God on hold. "God, this plan sounds great, but I really want to take the summer off. I really want to date this guy who I know is not Your plan. I really want to do my own thing for a while." I come out of these times of serving myself, often feeling unworthy of the Master Plan for my life. I make another bad choice by choosing something mediocre and acceptable, rather than going back to the Master Plan. 

I mean, God will say, "I told you so." 

I screwed that up...again.

I don't deserve my calling anymore. That calling should go to someone more qualified. Someone who has lived a life worthy of it...

But this is where I am continually amazed. If you have followed my blogs or listened to me preach for any length of time you have heard me give this illustration. I heard it given by a comedian at a church I was attending and it rocked the way I viewed my life and my past choices: God's will, and calling for our lives is a lot like a GPS system. If you are trying to get somewhere with a GPS and it says turn left, and you go right, it does not give you a new destination. The GPS reroutes you back to your original point of arrival. Yes, the more wrong turns we get, the longer it will take to reach our destiny. (In the case of the Children of Israel it took forty years! YIKES!) But still...they were destined for the Promised Land, and we are destined for the plan mapped out for us before we were born. Remember Jeremiah 1:5, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. I set you apart..." 

But still...our destiny rises and falls on the choices we make today. I have made the choice to trust God on the next leg of my journey, to try my best not to get off course because that end destination is so beautiful. I still do not understand how I will ever reach it, how I could ever be worthy of my calling, but I owe it to myself to try. 

We cannot sit around and wait for a wave of chance to sweep us away. Every choice you make (regardless of how insignificant) has an end result. It is choice--not chance--that determines your destiny.

Might we make choices today that will make the big choices easier. Might we chose a route that will take us to our destination without a million detours. You can start again. You can still end up where you are called to be. No one is too removed from God's plan to come back. 

My father often tells the story of when I was born. I was my parent's first child and my father would often talk to my mother's stomach during her pregnancy. After delivery I was very upset to be out in the cold world. I wanted the earth to know I had arrived so I screamed believing they all could hear. My father looked at the doctor and said, "I want to try something." He approached the table where I was being examined and cleaned off and spoke these simple words, "Baby, this is your Daddy Speaking." Immediately I stopped crying, opening my eyes in wonder for the first time. The voice of our father brings peace. The voice of our Heavenly Father assures us that no matter how cold and hard our world seems, there is peace in knowing we are following our Father, that He is with us on this journey, regardless of how hard, and with Him we cannot fail.  

Might we be so consumed with the voice and plan of the Master GPS that we know the voice of the Divine like a baby knows the voice of her daddy.

In the end the choice is yours...choose wisely.